Television personality and newly minted Daily Show host Oliva Munn\’s new book, Suck It, Wonder Woman! is stuffed with practical advice for the trendy dork. Like tips on how to survive a robot uprising. (Hint: Robots hate kittens.)

Sometimes I love to joke in regards to the undeniable fact that pretty soon the planet Earth will probably be invaded by a robot army so one can quickly overtake the U.S. military, the UN and even China to overcome the arena and make us their slaves, similar to in a science fiction story.

When that happens we are going to all toil in a gray-black Blade Runner universe until we die at a tragically young age, cold and alone, on the futuristic chain gang. It\’s hilarious, see? And likewise not that farfetched-I mean, we already have robots working in some of this country\’s most powerful sectors like politics (where they\’ve served as White House press secretaries for the last three decades), business/retail, and media. But perhaps I should stop joking and get serious because it appears that evidently this possibility is entirely too real. And, um, what then? Let\’s explore.

As far back as the year 2007 CBS News reported that scientists at Tokyo University had built a robot nurse that \” follows you around with your entire pills and potions, and tells you off in a hectoring tone in case you forget to take them on time.\” I know what you might be thinking: How do they know these are robot nurses and not just someone\’s mom? Good question. The answer: they only do.

As if that isn\’t sinister enough, the Koreans are apparently working on a robot soldier that may move, detect an assault, shoot in retaliation, play poker for cigs and jerk off to porn. Okay, probably not-everyone knows robots don\’t smoke! And here within the good old U.S. of A., the Pentagone want to soon launch what has been described as an \” airborne robot hit man,\” which appears like Iron Man but with none of those messy human emotions and feelings.

So what does all this mean to you and me? Probably nothing. But maybe everything. Feel better? No, really, I\’m no alarmist so I wouldn\’t be saying all this unless there was something to it. I feel the suitable thing we will be able to all do for now could be be vigilant, but not too vigilant. Like, I don\’t think that you have to go out and buy a shitload of survivalist gear-night-vision goggles, a flashlight, bottled water, a new sleeping bag, microwave popcorn and a gun that kills robots-but in life it really is always best to be prepared. That suggests there are several basic precautions that we are able to all take should this fantastical notion actually happen in real life. Below, the three best plans for combating a robot invasion, in order of effectiveness:

Learn a way to deflect an attack from a robot\’s laser eyes.

This seriously is not as hard as it sounds. All you actually need is a metal trash-can lid, a light thermal shirt that breathes and a small, cute kitten.

Here\’s what you do: When it becomes apparent that the robot in front of you plans to attack with laser eyes (this can be evident because the eyes will turn red, that’s the color of lasers), grab the kitten and throw it inside the other way of where you wish to run. The robot might be distracted and can even zap the poor little creature to lifeless fluff. That\’s sad, but when the robot invasion comes, you can still think that’s much less sad than it kind of feels now, trust me.

With its attention shifted to the airborne kitten, you may only have a number of seconds to make your break, so don\’t dawdle-no Facebook status updates, no G-chatting, and especially, no tweets! Just run.

You will likely escape but if the robot still manages to zap at you, raise your trash-can lid (which has been strapped to the forearm connected for your non-driving hand by a really perfect strong twine), to fend off the attack. With any luck that you can redirect the laswer beam to cause an immediate hit on the robot\’s heart-or what passes for a heart in that tin chest of his, strangled with wires-but any reasonably redirection will work. After you have successfully executed that maneuver, continue running. You’ll actually run a whole lot while escaping the robot\’s laser eyes, that’s why you’re wearing a thermal shirt that breathes. That\’s called thinking ahead!

Make the robots fall in love with you.

This is de facto trickier to tug off than the above idea. First off, how did you know if this is a male or female robot that’s attacking you? Well, you can not, but that doesn\’t mean this system still can\’t work. Everyone craves love and affection, in any case, even robots. And that’s possible that each one robots, as they’re from the longer term, are bisexual, so don\’t let finding out its sex distract you from the urgent matter to hand.

What my research has indicated is that, in relation to being crushed on, robots are greatly like human women: they like conversation, someone who is an effective listener, a frequent bather and, more often than you would possibly think, movies featuring Kate Hudson. And gifts. And reverse cowgirl, which they call-get this-\” reverse robotgirl.\” In case you can successful get the robot to fall in love with you, on the way to greatly reduce the possibility that it’s going to mangle you with its insanely violent metal claw-hands or singe you with those aforementioned laser eyes. Romance has never been more complicated-but the payoff here (getting to live) is massive.

Hide amazing.

Just because robots have laser eyes doesn\’t mean they have got X-ray vision, right? So it\’s a positive bet which you can actually simply hide from robots in a well-constructed fallout shelter on your backyard, at a Detroit Lions football game or while mingling at the Cheney family reunion (and you only know that Lynn cooks up a median-ass BBQ!). After all this approach still requires sacrifices in your behalf. As an example, your life as you are aware of it is just not a similar and you’ll never see your family again. So there\’s that. But isn\’t that a small price to pay for the very sake of our great nation? Because if we don\’t admit defeat our lives a good way to go to the awkward family get-togethers of former vice presidents and then hork down on free BBQ, then the robots have already won.

To be clear-and because my legal team made me put this part in-none of these ideas are certain to save your life when a robot army invades our land (yes, when.) But what they may do is this: enable you trick yourself into thinking you have got a gamble. While spending more time with cute kittens and the Cheneys.

Buy Suck It, Wonder Woman! at your favorite booksellers, akin to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Borders.

Illustration: Nikki Cook

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This post is tagged: Battles, Munn, Munn], olivia, Robots, [Olivia