The Worst Element of Coming Home for Christmas [Rant]

Dec 22nd 2010
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I swear to fucking God, if I come home this Christmas and find out my parents are still unplugging their computer from the wall after they wish to turn it off, I can fucking snap.

Seriously, how fucking hard can or not it’s?

Click START, then click SHUT DOWN.

That’s a TWO-step process that for the past 10 years in a row I’ve had to sit with you assholes and explain, re-explain, re-explain, re-explain, re-explain, re-explain, re-explain, re-explain and re-explain START, then SHUT DOWN! START, THEN SHUT DOWN!!!

What, within the precise two-step process-that I’ve written down and given to you on numerous occasions-do you not get?

” But Jason,” Dad will say, ” it’s confusing that I must click START with the intention to shut something down. That just seems counterintuitive.”

Oh is it, Alan? Is it counterintuitive? Would it not help if, other than a START icon, Microsoft created an icon that gave the look of a 63-year-old retired accountant with back problems bending over to unplug his computer from the wall? Would that variety of visual be less ” counterintuitive” ? Apparently it’d because every FUCKING year I come home and find that you just’ve been resorting to exactly that kind barbarism.

But it ends here! DO YOU HEAR ME, ALAN? It ends here!

You and Mom had better brace for the prospect that one of you is going to walk into the family room someday and find the opposite electrocuted, lying in pile of their own shit next to the computer, because that’s what’s to your future in the event you keep unplugging it from the wall in place of following my VERY simple instructions!

And GODDAMMIT, STOP PRINTING OUT HARD COPIES OF YOUR WHOLE EMAILS!

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