Amazon Patents Terrible Gift Auto-Return System [Retail]

In a move destined to crush the festive spirit, retailer Amazon has applied for a patent on a system that vets deliveries from people you don’t trust-supplying you with the approach to reject them and have the money instead.

The patent, jointly applied for inside the names of Colin Bryar and the mighty Jeff Bezos himself, makes it possible for a future Amazon gift pre-crime division to automatically reject all items ordered by people to your shit list, so that it will be accompanied by a rules wizard that lets buyers specify guidelines. So you will automatically refund all clothing from Aunty Jean, or request not to receive any suspicious magazines from Weird Uncle Mike.

Here’s a snippet from the patent application:

As in other gift-giving situations, it sometimes occurs that gifts purchased on-line do not meet the wishes or tastes of the gift recipient. As an instance, the recipient may already have the article and can not need another one of that same item. Alternatively, the article is probably not the correct size, the appropriate type, the precise style, and so forth. In such situations, the recipient might need to convert the gift to something else, as an example, by exchanging the gift for an additional item or by obtaining a redemption coupon, gift card, or other gift certificate to be redeemed later.

Best of all, the rejected buyer can have no idea you’ve thrown away their present before it was even dispatched. Perfectly reasonable behaviour, Mr Scrooge. [ USPTO via Washington Post ]

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This post is tagged: crime division, festive spirit, gift certificate, patent application, retailer amazon, washington post