We’re Not Touching Windows 7 Tablets With a Ten-Foot Stylus [Tablets]

There’s no way Windows 7 tablets aren’t going to suck. We’re going to work out numerous them this week. And they’re going to suck.

They’re going to be fat. One of the crucial ways they’re going to tell apart themselves from the invading armada of cheaper, tinier Android tablets, is that they’re to be bigger. Here’s an ideal idea: Take a transportable thing and make it less portable. Also, the beefier chips required to push Windows-a minimum of, unless we see some new ARM-based Windows 7 tablets -means these items need bigger batteries. More weight, extra space, more junk.

But! Battery life continues to be gonna suck. Sure, they’ll have bigger batteries than Android tablets, but don’t realistically expect the type of endurance runs you are able to pull out of the tablets running more effiecient mobile OSes. Windows + Intel chips = power gobbler, despite SSDs.

And oh yeah, they’re running Windows 7. Shoving a desktop OS on a tablet fundamentally doesn’t work . It hasn’t. It won’t. Ever. The smooshy, half-assed efforts to paint over them with a ” touch-friendly” interface-necessary, because hey, a desktop interface doesn’t work for a tablet-tend to be designed by imprisoned malnourished children given boxes of broken crayons. And they just glom over half the OS, at best. The third-party software for most of these tablets is proscribed, to claim the least.

The thing is, we’ve seen this stuff before . Just a year ago, HP announced one held by Steve Ballmer himself, and then was so ashamed of it they effectively shitcanned it , burying them under the ” enterprise” label. Of course, it wouldn’t be shocking to look a good deal-if not most-of the Windows 7 tablets being pushed for ” enterprise.” Which hence, is code-name for ” suck.” And ‘spensive.

Which brings us to the last point: All that suck is going to be pricey too. Android tablets, iPads-probably even PalmPads-are going to be around or under $500. These radioactive product spambits? Most toward $1000.

If we find one who miraculously doesn’t suck, we will be able to totally tell you. We hope we’re wrong! Honest. Otherwise, don’t expect to peer ‘em on Gizmodo. We’ll be busy getting nerd boners over tablets which may be actually great, like the PalmPad .

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This post is tagged: broken crayons, desktop interface, malnourished children, steve ballmer, third party software